sawah padi, lekiu, perak darul ridzuan, raya 2006. 

when the skies were blue...

i'm blue without you...
i miss you...

R.I.P
passed away not-so-peacefully on 18th October 2006
at the side of my house.

Leaving behind beloved:
All plant lovers of this earth.

all about forgiveness...

It happened during my bus ride home from up north that day. It got me thinking, during this time of ramadhan, of fasting and praying, and of forgiveness. I must confess that it is not easy, not easy at all when it comes to people whom i find hard to love, or un-lovable...

... forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us...

Maybe he was a bit edgy that day, from the fasting and driving, he was rather rude to me when we stopped halfway at one of the rest area along PLUS for the other passengers to go answer their calls (phone calls too!), he said something nasty when he walked up to me (was seated kinda right at the back)... something bout my back pack lah, and how it's going to destroy their seats lah... It was under my seat lah, not even an inch to the aisle... Wasn't obstructing anyone lah! I chose to remain silent, let him say whatever he wants... I was too tired to argue.

So, when he went away, i felt like i could choke him with all *&^%$#%^!@# and wish him !@#$%^ but I remembered the Lord's Prayer. But, but... how to forgive him lah? He didn't deserve it! He's such a !@#$%^& and You want me to forgive him, pretend that nothing had happened? Mana boleh?

Struggled the whole of my 2nd half of the journey. 2 hours before reaching home. And i only got even bitter, holding grudge against this man who couldnt care less... Bitterness sets in... And it drew all my joy away, no happy thoughts could help. Unforgiveness kills a person from inside. It eats me from inside, eats away everything and leave nothing but bitterness. Felt like rotting... And i must say that I surely didnt feel good.

The Lord's Prayer... some people pray it so often till it becomes so so habitual, and sounded more like a 'ritual' than a conversation with our Father. We take the words for granted, coz it has become more like reciting than praying. But that day, the words came to 'life'... A lessson.

Fast forward...
The bus didnt take the usual Wisma Putra route back to Pudu. Instead, we used Jalan Tun Perak. I waited till the bus came to a complete stop, took my back pack... Walked towards the exit...

'... Terima Kasih!...'
'Oh, sama!...' he chuckled, and continued to say something like 'have a nice journey' or something like that. I didnt quite hear him lah.

Boy, it felt good. I felt released from this monster inside of me... And i thank god for the Lord's Prayer which came to life that day, for me. My lesson learnt. Forgiveness isnt about how deserving the other person is to be forgiven, it's a decision needed to be made, for our own sake. Only when we decide to forgive, we free ourselves from the bitterness and grudge. It was a liberating experience i would never forget...

And i walked to the station, with a smile, all the way home.

Thank you Father.

Lesson learnt,
your daughter.

i passed...

Just when i thought of giving up, He surprised me once again...
I checked the SPA portal today and saw that the results are out...
Yup, it's finally out, after 5 weeks!
Holding my breath,
I scrolled down the list and saw...

One step closer...